Sleep Disrupters in Older Toddlers and Preschoolers
Introduction:
The time with a child between the ages of two and a half and five is amazing. I love this stage. Conversations start to actually happen, they become better at communicating needs and desires rather than screaming endlessly, and while sometimes it can be one too many, they start to ask the best questions.
With this newfound personhood though, comes a lot of emotional and physical changes. Suddenly, there is all this push back at bedtime or for naps. You suddenly see them 8 times a night before they finally stay in their room. Overnight you start to dread bedtime or nap time.
Why is this happening? Well, lots of reasons actually. This is a time in your child’s life for exploration and opinions.
Pushing and testing limits are common. Their life is changing dramatically.
This blog covers a few of the specific sleep disrupters that occur during this age. If your child was once a great independent sleeper and it feels like the bottom fell out one day, consider these to be one of the reasons! As always, I’m available to help you individually to get back on track or if you read this and you’re still at a loss.
Specific Sleep Disrupters:
1. Crib to Bed Transition
2. Potty Training
3. Sleep Needs Change (Dropping Nap)
Crib to Bed Transition:
When to transition: After the age of 3 ideally. Only transition before the age of 3 if all attempts to prevent climbing out of the crib have failed.
Why it’s disruptive: Obvious reason, freedom and the ability to move about.
What to do:
1. Get your child involved in the process! Changes can be scary and even if your child is climbing out of the crib, they still might balk at the idea of a bed. Make sure you talk at length about getting a new bed or converting your crib *before* it happens.
Allow your child to pick out their new bedding (toddler sized pillows are safe at this point).
If you are converting your crib to a toddler bed let them “help” or watch the process. Make it exciting!
2. Safety is Key. Make sure all furniture is bolted to the wall, curtains are stable and the blind strings are out of reach, and all outlets are covered. It’s important to not stop at standard safety protocols. Think about your individual child. Do they still put things in their mouth? Are the climbing? Consider anything and everything they could get in to during night time hours and eliminate risks as needed.
If your child is under the age of 3 you should put a gate or a child safety lock on their bedroom door. This isn’t meant to shut them in or be a punishment- but it’s important they aren’t able to wander the house alone at night. If they are over 3 and you choose not to put up a barrier, you should expect a visitor in the night, at least in the beginning.
Potty Training:
When to Potty Train: Potty Training typically takes place for most children sometime between the ages of two and three. The correct time to potty train is individual to each child and should happen based of their individual readiness and not their age.
Why it’s disruptive: Again, a new sense of control. They now have the ability to tell you they need to go to the bathroom, and you listen. It’s also just a change and some children could struggle with worry over having an accident during the night.
What to Do:
1. Add one last Potty trip to the end of your bedtime routine. Limit liquids at least 30 minutes before bedtime and add one final trip to the potty before they lay down. Let them know your expectations. “This is the last trip to the potty before bed so be sure to go!” This will help by reassuring you that they do not have to potty if they call you five to ten minutes after being put to bed. They just went so you know it isn’t a true need.
2. If you do take them to the bathroom after bed, keep it quiet and boring. No one wants to deny their child to use the bathroom. If they wake up in the middle of the night and claim they need to use the potty or if they didn’t go during their bedtime routine, it’s likely they do actually have to use the bathroom. In this case you can allow it, but keep it calm and boring. Go in and retrieve your child (or if they came to you walk them to the bathroom) with minimal to no conversation. Place them on their toilet and allow them to go with again minimal to no conversation and very little eye contact if possible. Clean them up and return to their bed immediately. At this point you can say goodnight once more and again leave the room. If they continue to get up do a silent return to bed.
3. Do not shame for night time accidents. The ability to keep dry overnight is not a behavioral trait. It is biological, and even common for children to wet the bed throughout elementary school. Keeping that in mind you never want to shame your child for night time accidents. When starting out with potty training, always use pull-ups at night. When they wake in the morning change them into training underwear and don’t mention anything about their “accident.” If you have a child who has an accident during the night and wets the bed, change the sheets and clean them up while reassuring them that it’s not a big deal. The less you make it a big deal, the less they will worry about it!
Sleep Needs Change:
When it happens: Sleep needs can start to drop around age two and they continue to drop throughout the preschool years. This is a phase where naps push later, or towards the preschool age drop partially or completely.
Why its disruptive: As your child’s sleep needs decrease, they will begin to push back at naptime, at bed, or both. They simply aren’t as tired as they used to be!
What to Do:
1. Don’t assume they don’t still need SOME daytime sleep. Dropping naps completely is a very long and drawn-out process. Every child handles it differently. Some will suddenly stop taking a nap all together, some will nap daily up to age five or so, most will continue to nap on and off throughout ages three to five. While each child is unique and it can’t be completely ruled out, it is very very rare to see a child under the age of three be ready to drop daytime sleep. It is one in a million that a child under two and a half is ready. Always assume some sleep is needed and allow the opportunity for sleep to occur.
2. Push back or Cap their nap. If you’re child has started protesting nap and they have less than 6 hours of wake time before nap, it’s likely they just aren’t tired enough to go to sleep. Move nap back in 15-minute increments to see if allowing 15-30 extra minutes of wake time ends the battle to lay down for nap. On the other side, if your child is laying down for naps just fine but then fighting you for bedtime, you will most likely need to restrict their daytime sleep rather than push back bedtime. Most children in this age group have about 5/6 hours of wake time between their nap and bed before they become overtired. My rule of thumb is a child this age should be getting a bare minimum of 10 hours of sleep per night and bedtime should be no later than 8:30PM. If your child is routinely not falling asleep until well after 8:30PM or they are not receiving at least 10 hours of nighttime sleep with a total of 11-13 hours of sleep per 24-hour period, then a change most likely needs to take place.
Conclusion:
Sleep isn’t hard, but it can be complicated. Figuring out your child’s individual needs can be daunting and emotionally take a toll on you and your family. If you feel like you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work, if you feel like you’re at the end of your rope, if you aren’t even sure where to begin, reach out.