My Cup Runneth Over
I think we’ve all heard the saying. “My Cup Runneth Over”. It’s on t-shirts, greeting cards, and well coffee cups. Who would have thought?
The phrase comes from the bible verse, Psalm 23:5. The verse is written by David who is using this phrase to talk to us about the overflowing nature of God’s presence in his life. He’s telling us that God has fulfilled his life with so many blessings, that those blessings are now spilling out so he was able to bless others.
Maybe you believe in God or maybe you don’t. That’s not really what I’m here to talk about anyway. I’m here to talk about how this phrase has become a secular saying as well. It’s sort of taken on this meaning of, “I’m so happy I could burst” or “My life is so full and joyous”, or “I’m so lucky.”
But what about when we don’t feel lucky? This cup that we’re talking about, it’s an emotional cup. It can be filled in beautiful and wonderful ways. Happiness, joy, excitement, satisfaction, you name it. But this cup can also be full of difficult moments. It can be full of sadness, depression, feelings of being overwhelmed, exhaustion, anger, and despair.
That’s where I found my emotional cup after giving birth. I had a really hard time in the delivery room. I’ll spare you the details (because Yikes) but the take away is that I was severely physically damaged from delivery. On top of that, my doctor at the time was ignoring my physical pain and continuously telling me that it takes time to recover from birth and I should suck it up.
(A quick side note- it took almost two years for me to find a doctor to send me to physical therapy. That’s another blog for another time but if you’re reading this and identifying, please do not give up)
With all the physical pain I was experiencing I also had a newborn, breastfeeding wasn’t working, my support system was great but they weren’t able to come at the drop of a hat, and my husband was working a job where he left at 7am and got home maybe by 9- 6 days a week.
This isn’t a poor me story, but I want you to know what was filling up my emotional cup. Little by little the cup became more and more full and more and more heavy. It got so full that it couldn’t hold one more drop.
Interestingly enough, life decided not to give me a break just because I was having a hard time. Regular and normal inconveniences were still occurring daily. The clothes in the dryer were still damp. The dog tracked mud in the house. I forgot to get an onion to make dinner. I could go on.
I found myself in this space where I was angry all the time. I was slamming the dryer door and crying as I wiped the mud off the floor. My emotional cup was already teetering over the edge and these minor inconveniences? They were causing it to overflow.
My cup runneth over.
It took me awhile to realize what was going on. I would lash out about these minor things and talk about how I was exhausted and everything was going wrong. It felt like a never-ending cycle.
And I was right. It was a never-ending cycle. Because my emotional cup was so full of BIG problems and BIG emotions. There was simply no room for anything else. There was no room for those minor inconveniences but more importantly, there was no room for joy.
Over time, this cup that David raved about, was having the exact opposite effect on me than was intended.
Finally, I had the realization, my cup would only ever be full of bad things until I started to empty it.
I slowly started to pour things out.
First, I refused to stop until I found a doctor who would listen. I did, and she sent me to physical therapy. The cup was less full.
My husband got a new job and was home more. The cup was less full.
I allowed myself to let go of not being able to breastfeed and to enjoy giving my daughter what she needed with formula. The cup was a less full.
Sure, those annoying things like the dryer and the mud still happened. But there was room for it now. I could handle solving those problems and emptying them out of the cup one thing at time.
It wasn’t an overnight success, but somewhere along the way I started to be able to fill my emotional cup back up with the good things. The blessings and the joy that David and everyone else had been talking about.
Now my cup doesn’t runneth over anymore. It stays in a constant flow of filling up and emptying of both good and bad emotions.
It’s my favorite cup.
Photo: I found myself in this space where I was angry all the time. I was slamming the dryer door and crying as I wiped the mud off the floor. My emotional cup was already teetering over the edge and these minor inconveniences? They were causing it to overflow.
My cup runneth over.
photo by: @estudiobloom